By Published On: October 20, 20213.4 min readCategories: Finance Therapy, Love

The average married couple fights about money three times a month.

That’s sobering. It also is very avoidable. If money arguments are becoming a problem in your relationship, then let’s dive into why they might be present.

There are several reasons why fighting over money is so common (and the second cause of divorce).

One of the most common is that the money they have doesn’t go far enough or last long enough to support their lifestyle.

Another reason is that many couples aren’t on the same page when it comes to spending, saving, and investing.

One of the most common money arguments is over how much debt they have. Couples tend to argue over this most often because it’s hard for them to see eye-to-eye on the issue. Couples also argue about household chores more often when money issues are present, especially when only one partner is doing all of them and they feel they are not valued; this does factor into some of the financial arguments believe it or not. Finally, couples argue about their spending habits and how money is spent within the relationship. So let’s dive deeper.

Before we begin, you and your partner can take this quiz and find your money archetypes, which help you to better understand each other.

Couples fight over money as they’re not on the same page when it comes to saving, spending, and investing.

  1. Saving — Saving is a huge issue because couples tend to have differing ideas on what to save “for”, how much to save, where to save, and if they should save for what amount of time. One person might be saving for retirement and the other assumes they are saving to buy a beach house. You’d be shocked at how many people have differing ideas on what they should be saving for.
  2. Spending — In alignment with saving, is spending. One partner might want to live up to what the neighbors own, have, or flaunt. The other person might want to save for an impressive university advanced degree. They might feel that the other person doesn’t value their idea or who they are, what they believe in if their partner does not support them.
  3. Investing — Investing must come after there is some saving and some control overspending, but alignment in investing can be wildly different. One person might be obsessed with cryptocurrency, and the other is interested in savings accounts. Investing usually has some degree of risk and therefore,

While they are at the top there, there’s also debt management as a close third.

Couples struggle with this issue more because they have a different money story. Each money story is unique and this causes friction. Couples that don’t handle their money well will find themselves fighting more and this includes how much debt they have. Couples argue most often about spending and how money is spent within the relationship. Another reason why couples fight over money is because of their different financial responsibilities and also argue about their spending habits and how money is spent within the relationship. They struggle with how to manage their money as a couple and as individuals as well as spending habits.

Not listed in the top three, but a worthy mention; financial abuse.

Financial abuse might be present in the relationship. Signs of financial abuse are the perpetrator preventing the victim from getting a job or having any access to money. The abuser might also be someone in the couple who handles all of the finances, even when they’re married or have both worked hard for their income. This is a way how one controls the other and makes them dependent on them for money.

If you are interested in learning more about couples and money, sign up for my weekly newsletter and get inspired, solutions, and a sense of financial peace, finally. Also, you might want to check out my book, “How to Heal Financial Anxiety”, which is a help for individuals, couples, and families. Also, check out my free resources page right here!

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Michele Paiva

Michele Paiva is a Licensed Psychotherapist, Recovery Coach and Certified Finance Educator, with 30 years experience in helping others to see their true value, and the truth under their trauma, to love themselves and springboard into a full, rich life. Rewrite your money story and take control of your financial and emotional health.

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